epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
