You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
