I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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