i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
