If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
