i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
