Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
my liver is dry heaving
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
