so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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