Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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