I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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