he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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