I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
