her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
