"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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