people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
