Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
