How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
