omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
