Nicole vs. Life
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
