so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I CAN MOONWALK!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize