Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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