what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
