After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
