He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
