The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
