there's paper in my vomit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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