im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
