yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
