I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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