woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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