it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
