when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
