The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
In America we eat man semen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
