I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
