Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
