She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
