Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
