just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Im part way to drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
