Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize