i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my liver is dry heaving
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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