Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
