The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
