Me. At least after what I've been through.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
