wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
