i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
