I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize