So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
