I have demons in me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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