all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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