I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
