I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
