Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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