He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
