textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
