They should really pass out barf bags in church
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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