Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
this hospital has no fireball
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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