Where is the hickey?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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