just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
