No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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