Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
