I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
