my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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