Barsexuality is the new black.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
