My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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