She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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