two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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