Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex on a roof
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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