first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
