Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
