before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
