i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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