i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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