If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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