im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
