Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
