I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
