you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
