I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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