My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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