she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
