just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
