you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
