So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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