I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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