yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
