Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
