i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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