My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's like iHOP with fire
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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