So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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