Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
