ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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