your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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