I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize