How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
