I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
