I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
